Meltdown? You are in Good Company!

I had a little bit of a meltdown today.  I know YOU never do, and honestly I don’t very often, but there it is.  I am trying so hard to not be anxious about this not-having-a-job thing, to trust that God has a plan, that He will provide, that He will continue to take care of us, He will open a door, He will have the answer…..but sometimes when we are in the thick of it we want to ask, “But WHEN?  How much longer?  I know you have a plan, Lord, but……do you REALLY?

Today I was praying, well, I was driving along and praying….out loud….and the sound of my own voice pleading with God and asking him these questions just made me cry.  And not only was my fear over my thus far fruitless job search getting to me, but the very fact that I was not being strong and having faith about it made it worse.   Because then came the accusations pounding my thoughts…… “I even taught a class at church where we studied the book, “Calm My Anxious Heart” by Linda Dillow.  I was the TEACHER!  Doesn’t that mean that I should have this stuff down?   That I should be beyond getting anxious about things anymore, thus making me the expert who can then teach a class about how to not be anxious?”

God patiently let me rant for a while.  Then he whispered this to me, “King David got anxious sometimes, too.  David did his fair share of ranting.  You are in good company.”

Oh my gosh, that’s right!  All through the Psalms, David journals through his fears, his disappointments, his times of utter hopelessness.  Yes, David, the person in the Bible who as a young boy was the victor over the giant Goliath with just his sling and a few stones; who then became the great and mighty king, and is commemorated for all eternity as “A man after God’s own heart” (Acts 13:22). 

Just listen to these words of David ~

Be gracious to me, O LORD, for I am pining away.

Heal me, O LORD, for my bones are dismayed

And my soul is greatly dismayed;

But Thou, O LORD – how long?

I am weary with my sighing;

Every night I make my bed swim,

I dissolve my couch with my tears.

My eye has wasted away with grief.             ~  Psalm 6:2-3, 6-7

Or this one ~

I am poured out like water

And all my bones are out of joint;

My heart is like wax,

It is melted within me.

My strength has dried up.                              ~  Psalm 22:14-15

Our fears and thoughts tend to exaggerate and intensify when we are having a meltdown…..David even did that, too!

But here is the thing – David didn’t stay long in those pits of despair.  Sometimes within the very same Psalm he ends up praising God, leaping and dancing, probably playing tunes on his lyre.

Here is an example ~

I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD

In the land of the living.

Wait for the LORD.

Be strong, and let your heart take courage;

Yes, wait for the LORD.                                    ~ Psalm 27:13-14

And this one ~

I sought the LORD and He answered me

And delivered me from all my fears.

They looked to Him and were radiant

And their faces shall never be ashamed.

The poor man cried and the LORD heard him

And saved him out of all his troubles.

The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear Him

And rescues them.

O, taste and see that the LORD is good!

How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!                        ~ Psalm 34:4-8

So, driving along, as I began to feel the encouragement of God pour over me like a comforting warm shower, I felt my fears and anxiousness release their crush on my heart so that I could be open again to faith and hope. 

So don’t be too hard on yourself if you have the occasional time of doubt, of fear, of losing your grip on this faith walk – you are in good company with those of us who also struggle as well, but more importantly, when you are in that dark time – you are in good company – God’s!

Here are the very next words of Psalm 34 – verses 9-10 ~

O fear the LORD, you His saints

For to those who fear Him there is no want.

The young lions do lack and suffer hunger,

But they who seek the LORD shall not be in want of any good thing.

Peace.